Man, Are These Cats Losing!
On July 21, I posted an entry about opening up the paper and really noticing for the first time that the Royals were 28½ games back. (http://ak.mlblogs.com/my_weblog/2005/07/28_games.html)
I’m not quite sure how this flew under my radar (outside of possibly having forgotten the Royals were still in the majors), but it blew my mind that a team could be so far out, and wondered more how a team wouldn’t simply lose hope altogether. Whether it was even possible to salvage a little pride, throw on that blue cap, and say, “%$@* it! We’re still a baseball team, and we’re going out there and taking it to these guys!” At 28 ½ games out, I called B.S. and said, “Can’t be done.” Well, what a difference a month can make.
These guys would now kill to be 28½ games out.
Currently in the middle of an 18 game losing streak, a franchise record, which began on July 28th against the D-Rays (talk about adding Everclear to a gaping wound), the team’s currently 0 for August, with the high point coming on the 12th and 13th, when their games against Detroit were postponed. And let’s be honest, Day-Twah would have smoked them, more than likely, certainly if you’re a guy who plays the odds. At a now staggering 36½ games behind the Chi-Sox, the rest of the season couldn’t come quick enough.
Before, I wondered how these guys dealt with the psychology of knowing you’re showing up to play a bunch of meaningless games to help a meaningless team finish out a meaningless season. What I wonder now is, how do these guys even find the motivation to show up at all? Seriously. Why would you? What’s the brass gonna do? Suspend you? Now I’m being told not to show up. Bonus! Yeah, yeah, you’d be losing some dough while you’re suspended, but you’ve already played two thirds of the season. The majority of your salary’s already banked by now. These guys lose more in a Vegas weekend than they’d forfeit pulling a T.O. for the rest of the season. I’d be like, “Bill me, dude. I’m outta here”
But this mindset, while totally understandable, wouldn’t be good for the team, the fans (both of them) and baseball’s image. Despite all obstacles, the show must go on, as they say. But let’s make it as pleasant a stay in purgatory as possible. Thus, I’m offering the following suggestions to help the men of K.C. ride out the rest of their sentence before getting paroled into the off-season.
1) Team tequila shots after every run given up. Granted, blackouts, vomiting, alcohol poisoning and dugout blackouts could increase, but I’m not sure how much that would affect the on-field performances.
2) Everyone starts switching positions each game. Ever wanted to pitch? Now’s your chance?
3) Casual Friday. Losing’s fun in a Hawaiian shirt!
4) If the game’s against Tampa Bay, Texas, Seattle, or anyone else that doesn’t really need to play either, just trade off conceding losses during the series, then bust out a game of kickball. At 6’10”, 270, Andrew Sisco’s a big boy. Guarantee he could knock the snot outta that red ball.
5) Open mic sessions. The players are frustrated. Let them vent a little by doing their variation of “The Aristocrats” before each plate appearance. It would certainly be more entertaining than the actual game.
6) Forfeit the game, then just do a game tape screening of an actual 2005 win for the crowd. Granted, they'll have to air some reruns, but it still beats the alternative.
7) Play more “Kool and the Gang” during games. How can you stay depressed during that?
8) The Team Mom needs to kick it into overdrive. Orange slices. Brownies. Rice Krispie treats. Fruit Rollups. Coca-Cola by the bushel. In between each inning and after the game. If they can't play well, they might as well have the best snacks in baseball.
And these are just for starters. If anyone else has any ideas, feel free to add a comment. They could certainly use all the help they can get.
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